


Not the Demon You Ordered

by aretia



Series: Bureaucratic Holiday Gifts [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Demon Summoning, Established Relationship, Mistaken Identity, Other, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:48:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27947804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aretia/pseuds/aretia
Summary: Beelzebub has a problem. As one of the most well-known demons, they frequently get summoned by humans, interrupting their quiet domestic life with Gabriel. In order to stop the summonings, Beelzebub turns to Gabriel for help ruining their demonic reputation.
Relationships: Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Series: Bureaucratic Holiday Gifts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2034811
Comments: 20
Kudos: 48





	Not the Demon You Ordered

**Author's Note:**

  * For [toeskater91](https://archiveofourown.org/users/toeskater91/gifts).



> toeskater91, your sense of humor and your voice bring me so much joy. If I could make you laugh with something I wrote, I would consider that an accomplishment. You seem to enjoy summoning fics, so I hope you like this IB take on a classic GO fandom trope.

It was the morning after an exhausting night when Beelzebub trudged into Gabriel’s flat, dropping flakes of ash on the pristine carpet behind them. 

“Beelzebub? Where have you been?” Gabriel asked, looking up from his phone. 

“Got summoned,” Beelzebub grumbled, brushing the soot off of their shoulder.

“Again? That’s the third time this week!” Gabriel said incredulously.

“You wouldn’t believe the kind of stupid shit humans will summon a demon for,” Beelzebub groaned. “These idiots wanted to find out if demons are fireproof.”

Gabriel glanced up and down their body, searching for damage. “Well? Aren’t you?”

“Yeah, but it’s still fucking annoying.” Beelzebub shuffled over to the couch. “Move over. I need to lie down for about a century.”

Gabriel held up his hand, palm facing out. “Uh-uh, you are not getting ash on my white suede couch. Go take a bath first.” 

“No. Get out of my way,” Beelzebub snarled, swatting his hand away and trying to push past him onto the couch.

Gabriel caught their wrists in his hands, gripping them tight enough to leave marks. He stood up to his full height, looming over them with a menacing smile. “I never said it was optional.”

A shudder went through Beelzebub’s body. They loved it when they could goad him into being a little rough with them. He was an angel, sure, but he could intimidate and threaten like the worst demons in Hell. But it wouldn’t be any fun if they didn’t resist.

“Don’t you dare!” screeched Beelzebub, as Gabriel swept their legs out from under them and scooped them up in his arms, carrying them to the bathroom. 

One reluctant bath later, Beelzebub was bundled up in an offensively soft robe, lying on top of the disgustingly clean couch, with their head in Gabriel’s lap. Their face nuzzled against his stomach, and he ran his fingers through their damp hair. “How come you get summoned so much, anyway?” Gabriel asked.

“Because humans don’t know when not to mess with powers beyond their control,” Beelzebub muttered.

“Obviously. But I didn’t mean demons in general. I meant you in particular,” said Gabriel. “You’re a Prince of Hell. Isn’t that something you’d make the lesser demons deal with?”

Beelzebub rolled over and looked up at Gabriel like he was an idiot, because he was. But he was also a pretty idiot, so they didn’t mind looking at him. “We don’t draw straws in Hell every time a demon gets summoned. That would take too long,” they said. “In order to summon a demon, a human has to know their name. Most of them try to summon Satan, but he’s too busy, so it doesn’t work. Guess who’s the second most popular demon whose name every human knows?”

“Crowley?” said Gabriel cluelessly.

"What? No, you idiot, it's me," snapped Beelzebub. "Why would you say Crowley?" 

"Well, if you meant popular as in most liked by humans…" teased Gabriel.

“Shut up.” They snapped their teeth at his fingers before letting his hand move back into their hair.

They had a gnawing suspicion that Crowley was behind this somehow. He was friends with the singer of that human band, the one that made a song with the lyric _Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me._ Crowley had probably influenced him to put that lyric in there, and then made the song popular so that as many humans as possible would hear their name and bother them with frivolous summonings. Inspiring a world-famous song just for the sake of annoying his boss was a demonic idea indeed. They would give Crowley a commendation for it if it weren’t so personally inconvenient. 

“I have an idea,” said Beelzebub, with a sly smirk. “What if I were to become less popular?”

Gabriel looked down at them with one eyebrow raised. “How are you going to do that?”

“You’re going to help me,” they said, running their hand up his arm. “What if the next time I get summoned, I sent you in my place to ruin my demonic reputation?”

“Oh no. No way. I am not posing as a demon,” Gabriel said, shaking his head. “Me, the Archangel Gabriel, taking part in a demonic ritual? That’s blasphemy! Absolutely not.”

“Not even if you get to put angelic influences on the humans while you do it?” Beelzebub said. They were a demon, so tempting was second nature to them, and Gabriel made it so easy. They knew exactly what to say to get him on board with their plans. “You could write it up in a report as thwarting evil.”

Gabriel tapped his finger on his chin. “You have a point. But how would it work?”

“I’ve got the perfect opportunity.” Beelzebub held up their phone and showed it to Gabriel. “I found this guy who’s going to summon a demon and livestream it to millions of followers. When the summoning circle opens up, we switch places, and you go and be the best angel you can be.”

Gabriel nodded. “I think I can do that.”

~

Beelzebub tapped their nails on the laptop, watching the seconds tick down on the counter until the livestream was about to begin. Gabriel emerged from the bedroom and started to pace around the living room floor. 

“You are not going dressed like that,” Beelzebub said.

“What? But this is my look,” Gabriel said, placing an offended hand on his chest over his mauve scarf and cream turtleneck.

“No one’s going to believe you’re a demon if you’re wearing that,” Beelzebub argued.

“Okay, what do you suggest instead?” asked Gabriel.

“Hmm, what about this?” Beelzebub snapped their fingers. Gabriel’s precious clothes were back in his closet, replaced with a slim tailored black suit, black shirt, and red tie. They bit their lip. They would be lying if they said they had never fantasized about him in an outfit like that, and seeing him actually wearing it was better than anything their imagination could conjure. 

Gabriel looked down at his manifested clothes and seemed less than impressed. “You have got to be kidding me. I look ridiculous.”

“You look hot,” Beelzebub said bluntly. They could tell when he was fishing for compliments, and normally they wouldn’t indulge him, but they didn’t have time for their usual back-and-forth. They needed his cooperation, and they knew that stroking his ego was the best way to get it.

“I am an Archangel, not some… rock-and-roll stage performer,” Gabriel said, for lack of a more precise human comparison to describe his outfit. “I can’t pull this off.”

“I’ll pull it off for you once you get back,” Beelzebub said, which made Gabriel’s cheeks light up with a blush redder than the tie. “Come on, it’s almost time.” They hopped off the couch and went to stand with Gabriel in the middle of the room, holding both of his hands in theirs. 

A circle of flame opened up on the floor around Beelzebub and Gabriel’s feet. “Now, push me out of the circle before it latches on to my energy,” Beelzebub ordered. Gabriel pushed them, and they stumbled back, just before a column of flames burst up from the ground. The silhouette of Gabriel waved to them, and then disappeared. 

Summoning circles weren’t made of Hellfire, were they? Was he taking a risk by going along with this plan? Beelzebub bit their nails with worry. They flopped back down on the couch and pulled the laptop into their lap, and turned on the stream.

~

Damien lit the candles around the circle drawn on the floor of his dorm room, and then positioned his camera facing it. He chanted the incantation from the old book he had bought from some shady secondhand bookstore, and then called out, “Demon Lord Beelzebub… I summon thee!”

The circle began to glow, and a powerful wind swept his long hair back from his face. He hadn’t actually expected it to work, and he watched with a mix of awe and horror as smoke billowed out from the candles. Lavender scented smoke. He thought he had made sure not to use scented candles for the ritual, but apparently he had missed one, and the smell was overpowering. He hoped that the demon didn’t mind lavender.

A towering figure emerged from the ground in the middle of the circle, enshrouded by smoke. The smoke dissipated, revealing a being in the shape of a tall man wearing a sharp suit, his eyes glowing a menacing purple.

“Lord Beelzebub,” said Damien, dropping to his hands and knees in a reverent bow.

“Well hi there!” said the demon, with a wave and a bright customer-service smile. “How can I be of assistance today?”

Damien looked up at him, his brows furrowed. “I was hoping to sell my soul to you so that I can gain great riches and take over the world.”

The demon grimaced and hissed through his teeth. “Sorry, no can do. Our soul-buying budget is a bit in the red at the moment. What I can do is teach you strategies for success so that you can do all those things without demonic intervention! How does that sound, champ?”

“Uh… I’m okay, thanks,” muttered Damien. This wasn’t how he had expected a demon to act at all. He was already contemplating how he could get a refund for that book. “Can you at least help me to defeat my enemies?”

“You’re in luck! Conflict resolution also happens to be one of my specialties,” said the demon, clapping his hands together in excitement. “Have you considered contacting a mediator?”

“No, still not what I had in mind,” sighed Damien. “Can you… help me with my homework for university?”

“You bet I can! I can increase your productivity in minutes,” said the demon. Damien hoped that the next words out of his mouth would be some kind of occult spell, but instead he said, “How about we start by prioritizing your tasks?”

“I thought that you would just… give me the answers. You know, since you’re a demon and all,” Damien admitted.

“Oh, no, I don’t condone cheating,” the demon said, shaking his head with utmost seriousness. “I believe in achievement through your own merits. But I do have this great study technique--”

“You know, that’s okay,” Damien cut him off. He tried to remember the words to end the summoning and get this bureaucratic demon out of his dorm room as quickly as possible. “I hereby release you.”

The candle flames burst up around the circle, emitting heavy smoke again. “I hope you have a _hell_ of a great day!” the demon said, making Damien gag one more time before he vanished.

~

Beelzebub laughed hysterically at the words that scrolled past on the screen after the video cut out. “DO NOT SUMMON LORD BEELZEBUB. He acts like some corporate prick or someone’s dad. He will NOT help you.”

They shoved the laptop out of their lap and onto the floor when a column of flame roared to life in the center of the living room. Gabriel stepped out of it, walking towards them with his arms outstretched. “How did I do?”

“Not bad,” Beelzebub answered. They opened their arms for him, a little too eagerly, relieved that he had come back safe. He sank down onto the couch and snuggled in next to Beelzebub, wrapping his arms around them. 

“Now, I believe you made a promise to me about this outfit?” Gabriel said with a cheeky smile.

Beelzebub tugged on his tie, working their fingers into the knot to pull it loose. “We’ll have plenty of time for that,” they said, pressing a kiss to his lips. “After that performance, I don’t think I’ll be getting summoned again for a long time.”


End file.
